17.1.12

~I've to find what I love~

"You've got to find what you love," Steve Jobs said.

It captivated me the first time my eyes caught it.

After reading it, hani asked me impromptu,"What do u love, K.Liana?"

Without thinking,"Writing..."

After pausing for about 1 second, "Painting, playing musical instruments.."

This last part, I put a strong confident tone, "Never teaching."

Hani then smiled, responded,"I've guessed so.."

Don't get me wrong. Teaching has never been my truest passion.  English language is. Things to do with arts, that's my passion.  Being in the educational field is not my forte.  I am more practical than to is academical.

Talking about writing, there was this one drama series back then that has inspired me; Felicity.

It was aired in 1998 and i was 20 years old.  The story is about a girl named Felicity.  She likes to jot down things happening to her. 


There are some other times where she records stuff happening to her onto a cassette tape and posts it to her friend.  This drama has given a great impact to me as Felicity sees life beyond it and beneath it. She has her own say in some things in life. I just love Felicity ;) 

     Next, there was this one drama series too, but it was a short one..only a few episodes..what i do remember about this drama is its name is "Queenie". It was in 1987 and i was 9 years old.  Dang, i was really young at that time, heh, and i do remember this drama..impressive.. ;)

What attracted me to this drama was because of its political plot, at that era. Besides, it had this brutal element of society upon women, in those days.  There was this one episode that made me cry and Ibu cried too! Haha..what an impact, right?...  That is what i do remember ;)

      "The Young Riders" is next in my list :) it was aired in 1987 too, the same year as "Queenie".  It has a handsome casting and that is one of the reasons for my still remembering that drama series, haha! 


It's about a group of country guys who deliver stuff to town, when needed.  This drama teaches me the importance of working in a group and working as a group.  
But overall, it's because of the great-looking fellas, haha!  

My fav, at that time, was the bald one in the poster.  in that drama, after doing some googling, the bald one is called Ike McSwain.  He is mute and bald, but that doesn't keep him from being an excellent rider. Ike can be very passionate about protecting people.  What i do remember about liking him is he is a great rider though he can't talk.

Well, i guess that's enough, for the time being..actually, i've a list of my fav drama series that are very close to my heart..Here's the list ;

~ Doogie Howser, M.D (1998)
~ Life Goes On (1989)


~ Full House (1987)


~Nightingales (1989)

~Fresh Prince of Bel Air

~The Nanny

~Alias

     Now, i don't watch drama that much...simply because there are not that so-called morally good drama these days..there are various reality tv series and it's the trend for this millennium..yup...

But deep in my heart, i love those dramas that have moulded me and i owe that to them.

Merci beaucoup ;)



16.1.12

~You've got to find what you love~


This is a prepared text of the Commencement address delivered by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, on June 12, 2005.

'You've got to find what you love,' Jobs says.

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, it's likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope it's the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much.

15.1.12

~Metamorphic Life~


A series of inhales and exhales
eludes and executes souls
to the world of the mortals.
Hiding in cocoons
silencing in the caves
tearing up the skin
dressing up in a chic flesh
jumping over the fence of emotions
hopping onto the roller-coaster rides
diving into the abyss of surprises
bursting out the fireworks
tiring in hide-and-seek
Resting in peace
is the finale
of metamorphism.

10.1.12

~Bullet-train Love~


serendipity
brings these two 
in an adrenaline love.
is fate playing tricks on them?
has the right time come along?
ridiculous, absurd, lunatic 
but the two can go along 
as one heart.
sweet.

*Taken from fb notes, dated 29 Nov 2011*

~Polaroid~


If her mental pictures
could be put into displays
and printed to the world,
it would be a series of hops,
twists, turns and crawls.
Just take the camera
and there is the flash
seizing the moments,
opportunities
but nay,
neither polaroid nor digital
succeed to capture the heart
beneath them all
which longs to be glee
set it free
to see the peace in Thee.

*Taken from fb notes, dated Sat, 20 Aug 2011*


~Time Squaring~


his heart was a shape
now it is squaring
deriving from the dos and donts
the boos and the woos
from an epoch of an epic
of the tell-tale heart
and the love potion no 9.
the time is evolving
with or without him
binding him into one
making him untouchable, invincible
to those vulnerable to him
allured them
neither by hap nor by addict,
by modus is his best.
bravo toreador.


*Taken from fb notes, dated Thurs, 28 Jul 2011*

~Pardoned Pardner~



                    Music   on
         She dances to the beat
       that   greets    her    heart
     but graces not to the diction
          nor        the        voice 
            visible to the drums.

                   swaying,
              and stretching
           to   her     farthest
       reaching    out   to   him
       who      stares      silently,
            states courteously
              but cerebrates
                in lieu of his
                     clout.

                     he hooks
              the slips and trips
           secures              them
        in      his       own      realm
in his chamber of the king's ransom
         for  he  is  his  own   ruler
             dictates        self,
              decides matters
                 and defines
                    syllables.

                         and
                        she is 
                  just a dancer
             crawls,tiptoes,hops,
     jumps and drops to the ground.
 then  surges  from  the  soil   where
   she secretes her soul that dumbs
      and clumps in the tug-of-war.
       she has to numb her thumbs
          slows her retarded music 
            halts her rhythmic cues 
                 as  he hushes her
                     as his eristic.
                       foreseen.
                          smile.

*Taken from fb notes, dated Sun, 24 Jul 2011*

~Hot-air balloon trip~


Giddy to step in
ecstatic to even see it from afar
all elements are mixed into one
that can lift the girl
who longs to see the world
from the top
and feels it to the bottom of her heart.
She denotes life so far
has its balance like the hot air balloon
where she can escape
from the buzz of the mortals
and just let loose
of her diamond pearled iris.
She's totally an alien
to the universe created for the souls
she's yet to treasure.
Please, beg no landing
no ground touching
thus reality has sucked her to abyss
shaking every bit of her bones.
Fear she might not
solitary she feels it seasonally
that she wishes for eternity bliss
and world peace for her closests
when she lands with a flamed heart
of her trip.

*Taken from fb notes, dated Sat, 23 Jul 2011*

~♥ ~Part 1~


♥ some quotations from people around me, mana yang aku mampu ingat la..i'll edit it from time to time..Oh, these quotations ni, ermh, lbh kurang mcm reminders kpd aku la. it's not only about me but these things are also happening to other people too..just sharing coz i know nothing about other people but i know only about myself. bknla berbunyi seperti selfish atau syok sendiri kn, tp xkanla aku nk memandai2 lak taip psl org2 yg aku xtau and pndai2 mengagak kan? sbb aku ni jenis nye, if xphm ape2 ke, aku akan btanya..lgpn, it's just not me to talk about other people. though by writing this down means i'm telling the world about what's happened to me but if dat what it takes to share experiences or maybe there are people out there who are now enduring such issues, hope these quotations might b an assistance to u, in one way or another. i appreciate people's point of view and i just wanna document them down. sbnrnye, byk lagi la quotations dr org2 keliling aku ni and quotations tu tentang ape2 je pun sbnrnye, x semestinye pasal relationship or men saje.  tp bile tgk kt bwh ni, mostly pasal relationship and men, heh..alamak, kena categorised kan ke? (susah bile taip BM bercampur BI ni...sorry..) ape2 pn, bende2 ni sangat subjektif..terpulang kpd keadaan semasa dan juga org2 yg terlibat dlm isu/insiden/keadaan tersebut...so, selamat membaca. ini pun sangat impromptu sbb, tibe2 tingat..tula aku ni, byk sgt ingt bende2 sekeliling and then muhasabah. and then aplikasi kn sebaik mgkin dan doa. and then, tawakal. so, dgn bc bende2 ni, mungkin korg pn akan teringat kpd org2 yg rapat dgn korg ke, kn..how they have touched ur heart by their words that come from their heart, simply because, they love u...
"Liars are liars and they will always be" ~ LD @ Ayah
"Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind" ~ LD @ Ayah
"Biarlah orang buat kita, jangan kita buat orang..." ~ RI @ Ibu
"Nice people are hard to achieve success. if u r nice, u can't easily succeed." 
"Don't tell the truth, for people can easily manipulate the truth against u"
"People change and I've changed. don't trust people with your heart. you'll have nothing left later on." 
"Kau kena kenal dgn org lelaki2 jahat baru kau tau dunia sbnr camana. kau ni baik sgt.." ~ Zai
"Kalau lelaki tu dh layan awak cmtu sebelum kahwin, if dh kahwin nanti apatah lg" ~ LD @ Ayah
"We like the pious change in u but u r not urself when u r with him" ~ LD @ Ayah
"Choose a man who loves u more than u do to him. u'll know what i meant by then." ~ LD @ Ayah
"Responsible is d keyword. he can love u wholeheartedly but if he's not responsible, then, that's it" ~ LD @ Ayah
"Anak2 Ayah ni, manja boleh, mengada2 jgn sekali" ~ LD @ Ayah
"Jangan jilat ludah awak semula. When somebody has done that to u in the first place, he can do d exact same thing all over again and trust me, he will do it again 100%. if he wants u, he'll do what he's supposed to do. he's a man, act as one. simple. But, if he fails to even do what he has said to u, then u'll know what kind of a man he is. remember that." ~ LD @ Ayah
"A man should treat a woman with respect. if he doesn't respect u though as a friend or even as a human being, then don't treat him with respect too. buat baik berpada2 Long. bsangka baik bpada2.." ~ LD @ Ayah 
"Bila player tu mmg dh lali jadi player, sampai kiamat pn dia jd player, melainkan dia berdepan dengan isu ajal maut ke, baru lah dia bertaubat, beb. itu pn if dia jenis sembahyang ckup la, kn. tp kalau dah player yang suka main2 kan hati dan perasaan org, sembahyang pun apa gunanye sebab asik aniaya org je..if not, aku was2 la sorg player nk kembali ke pangkal jalan..boleh la insaf tp mmg kena azam yg sgt kuat la.." ~ Anggek
"I kesian kan u lah, Long..umur 31 tahun baru jumpa or terkena dgn lelaki jahat..tapi yela, an eye-opener for u..if not, u akan pk baik je kat semua lelaki..u ni,muka je serious, prangai tegas tapi pk baik sgt kt smua bende. pk baik kt smua bende, ok. sgt optimis yg ekstrim. agak2 la nk optimis pn..if dh laki2 tu buat jht kt u, laki2 tu wat dek kat u, lyn mcm tah ape2 wpn u sgt bek pd die, xkn u nk pk baik gak kot, hello..hati kena keras sket la..baik mcm mn pn u, kalau laki tu xnk kt u, mksdnye, xnk la. xpyh nk bek dgn laki2 g2. xpyh nk doa2 utk die berubah jd bek ke pe ke. bio die smyg doa sndiri. tu pn if die smyg la kn..die bkn jodoh u la tu. dah, p cari len." ~ Hau
"I tak nak u mengharap and kecewa lagi Long..it's not worth wasting your time crying for that kind of man" ~ Yani
"Laki2 ni sng je Long. if die nk, die cari kite la. if x, dia buat bodoh je. U kna paham tu, Long.." ~ Dikgung

hmm..banyak gak heh yg aku ingat...maklumla, sbg org bahasa, mmg pkataan2 or ayat2 dr org2 sekeliling aku ni, mmg insyaAllah aku leh ingat la..dan aku sangat suke ayat2 dr org2 yg bg aku nasihat la sbb dorg ckp bkn dr buku tp dorg ckp dr pglmn dorg sndiri or pglmn2 org len skitar dorg la. tah aku xtau nk terangkn tp, aku sgt hargai la pe2 pn org bg nsht kat aku. 

Baru perasan yg byk quotations dr LD @Ayah :) yela, mmg x dinafikan, aku ni rapat dgn ayah. sbb ayah nye jwpn byk rasional dan aku ni sgt rasional nye org. bkn la emosional sgt pn. kdg2 ade gak sedih tp utk tidak sedih dan tidak mngorbankn kn air mata ku ini, maka, aku selalu la merujuk ayah yg bijaksana. ayah lak jnis byk hujah, praktikal and direct. tula psl aku byk ciri2 karektor mcm ayah..anak ayah la katekan,hmm..sbb, kalau aku rujuk ibu aku, sure ibu aku akan selalu emosional blame aku, hehe. sbb, aku xnk jd emosional, tu sbb aku xrujuk ibu aku kot..dh la isu emosional, kang aku rujuk ibu aku, lg emosional so xjd ape kang..sbb ibu aku sure akan bg nasihat gni nye,"sabar la Long..kite sangka baik jela..bio la Allah je bls ape2 pn yg org buat kat kite.." tujela ibu akan kate,"sabar..sabar.."

ok, to be continued in Part 2, insyaAllah..tapi aku kna ingat balik org2 len lak heh, kalau ade la quotations nye or kalau la relevan ke kan..haah, baru pasan xde quotations dr adik2 laki aku lak or dr pkck, mkck, sepupu sepapat etc sbb maklumla, keluarga besooo..nanti la, next entry..ok, selamat semuanyaaa :)

*Taken from fb notes, dated Fri, 22 Jul 2011*

~Ur weakness might b Ur strength~


Salam

ha, another entry from me resulting from the recent occurences in my life. my main weakness is to talk things over with people ie consulting or counselling. i'm really bad when comforting people crying simply because i myself seldom cry. not that i haven't cried before but i just rarely do that. i would cry only for a matter of life and death. i will not write about other things here ie please focus on the topic.

ok, back to my story, i normally just let them cry their hearts out and i just watch silently because it's either i'm cracking my brain of what to say and do next or maybe i am also tearing apart but can't actually execute that because what on earth will happen if both of us end up crying?? so, whether i like it or not, i have to b the stronger one to hold my tears back and i'm now immuned of not easily being a teary one. well, i tend to possess that trait since i have 3 brothers after me that i've never witnessed them cry. so, u can imagine me owning a very independent spiritual side. it's a blessing for my future hubby as he will never have a problem of comforting me and such. but, what if, if he is the teary one? OMG, S.O.S then. lol.

ok, i am a good listener by nature but when i open my mouth to console people, that, fear i might worsen the issue. fuhh, being a teacher has turned me into somebody that can be fit into any shoes. that's a practice, huh. yeah, practice makes perfect. i love learning from my students.  i'm blessed being an educator ;)

my weakness of not knowing exactly what to say and how to act when dealing with people who are having problems and asking me for second opinion and such, has now helped me into being more developed in adapting and applying the skill into better purposes e.g a more balanced me etc.

i love helping people out. i love listening to their problems. i love lending my ears and shoulder to cry on. i love making people smile. the thing that i would have to work harder is the art of communicating, in general. in depth, it's divided into subcategories which no need to be elaborated here. suddenly i feel that i sound nosey. do i sound one? is being caring and thoughtful be labelled as nosey?  with friends, requesting information is thought to be caring but with strangers, that demeanor is portrayed as nosey (now that i've finally got it. i've always thought that i've been a friend but i've been a stranger heh, and forever will be one..ok, ok..got it, got it..i should take up Communication 101. ok,menceceh sorg2. ignore this part in these brackets.)

spiritually, dunno y Allah has granted me to endure this episode of life by helping people with my weakness (huhu!i hope i've eased their difficulties though only verbally). this has occured to me since Rejab and now Syaaban and only Allah knows what'll i face in Ramadhan. well, i've always believed that by helping people, i'm helping myself more. by understanding people, i understand myself better. by befriending people, i'm bonding with myself deeper.

may Allah bless all of us :)

*Taken from fb notes, dated Thurs, 21 Jul 2011*

~Dream~


Salam

i've always had a dream of writing a book and publishing it.  the best part would be d dedication page where i could put tribute to people and undoubtedly, my family is d first on d list. i just love appreaciating people around me and make them feel good. well, we live only once. it's up to them to believe my praises or compliments but if i'm able to draw an arc of a smile in their hearts, it's bliss.

what to write? i know more about myself than to talk about other people. i'm no miss politics though i can read them. i'm more into philosophies and deal with issues of humanity and stuff related. i've written quite a lot on numerous issues. previously, i'd make sure i've a pen and paper in my bag in case i have intriguing things not to be missed out from my curious mind and thirsty soul for knowledge. as time passes and techonology evolves, my handphone carries my notes and sometimes if i'm driving and my hands are occupied, i would just record the moments in sound clips or videos. so pals, my most valuable possession is none other than my blackberry. lol. fyi, i can also be called miss clumsy as i've dropped my blackberry numerous times and i've misplaced it for countless of times...not that i'm too clumsy but there are too many things in my head and subconsciously i tend to do that ie losing focus. i guess i should hang it as a pendant huh, lol.

being a teacher, though it's not my dreamed job, has blessings in disguise. first and foremost, i love English language that no words can describe my passion for it. so, u can make this up; my nature+my passion=teacher. it makes sense now, right? how Allah has managed the best things for me..in addition,i can delve into people's lives and put them into my skill; writing, that i admit, i have to enrol in some professional training so as to convey only the nearly accurate message to the readers.

life is a learning process but d thing about me is i love joting it down, documenting the moments, pondering them, reflecting on them, trying to make things better whichever i could (in which usually, it's already too late to do so, as i can b impulsive at times. well, sometimes, i've slipped. sigh.my bad..ouh, someone advised me to fake my bad habits. well, hmm..i think he has to rephrase it to"fake your bad habits only in certain situations whichever appropriate" i dont believe in being fake.), appreciating people around me by things that i've learnt beforehand and not forgetting, having fun in every walk of this mortal life...

hope u have urs ;) carpe diem

*Taken from fb notes, dated Thurs, 21 Jul 2011*

~Let's twist and shout~


Salam.

this is also another impromptu. guess i can't take my fingers off from the keyboard. if it can scream, it would probably cry this one out loud,"Hey lady. Get ur fingers off from hitting me. u've pressed me hard enough. u're killing me softly!" yeah, rite ;P

reading from the topic, most would probably think of dance moves. groove to the music, twist and shout, having fun with the rest of ur friends from the same clan, most probably. birds of a feather flock rogether, they say. 

yup, that's one way of interpreting that title. i would love to write about twisting the fate or as muslims would say as qada and qadar.

i still remember an episode i watched in Oasis but i've really forgotten the title and that ustaz shared info of d meaning of qada and qadar and the types of qada. please refer to http://www.islamgrid.gov.my/rukuniman/qadadanqadar.php for more info :)

ok, in my previous post i've written about my strength that can b my weakness and i've also touched on nawaitu, at the end of the post. sometimes, we've done the best in life but it'd turn out to be the opposite. can we call it as a twist of fate? or can we say it as a blessing in disguise? b it any way, at the end of d day, Allah knows what's BEST for u, right. d only thing is that always put Him first.

i know i'm in no position to say this out loud. i've just been on this earth for 3decades++ (hehe) but looking at things happening in my life, the best recipe for me is enduring things with great patience. after u've set ur nawaitu and think through before executing (which i still need to practise more as sometimes i can b incautious. sigh.), pray sincerely and if u r patient enough, u'll see more and u'll b thrilled with surprise what Allah has in store for u. 

well, i have my way of twisting and shouting. dat's one tiny part of me. so how do u do urs?  ;)

*Taken from fb notes, dated Thurs, 21 Jul 2011*

~Ur strength might b Ur weakness~


Salam

this is impromptu. I'm writing this out of my being observant or in any other relevant word would b, my being very particular of my own issues.

one of my strengths would b my instinct. i used to have very sharp intuitive up to the extent of predicting future events for some people ie being a clairvoyant but i dare not practise that any longer so i put a period. 'Cuckoo' would b my middle name if i still have that skill  (lol). some of my closests would b with me on this so-called my special and rare skill.  

however, that strength has proven to be damaging for me. some said it's a blessing to have that gift. well, at first, i thought so too when it came to incidents of me helping people out of troubles etc. but now, i wanna b normal. having some trips and falls are fun too, sometimes. did i sound fake by writing that? haha. being fake is totally not me. i am just me, the optimistic naiive me. i knw somehow, i'll stand up, smile, wipe the bleed and treat the wound from that fall though it leaves scars :)

based on my readings on various non-fiction books on this issue, i've always believed that people are categorised into 3 types; the ones who are into logic, the ones who are into their desires and the ones are into intuition. analyse and try to reflect. which category do u fall into? just pick one. has it done any good or harm? maybe u need to balance things so u'll be saner :)

i WAS more into intuition, back then. but now, i've realised that i AM more into logic. however, after some pondering, my intuition has proven to have helped me a lot and it's the best gift so far, for me. the only obstacle now is, it's not that easy to channel my mind and desires to give the biggest portion of dealing with life just to my intution. yes, my closests would always argue&reason to my actions or decisions done from my heart, "are u crazy, liana? why on earth did u do that? r u sure that is the best?" though how illogical my decision was, i would always say this,"i don't have any concrete reason or evidence for doing that. i just wanna do that. i feel that's the best thing for me to do. insyaAllah it'd turn out alright.." as a matter of fact, it DID turn out as the BEST, so far.

if u've decided to follow ur heart d most, u have to really listen to urself..before that, u have to know urself. u have to really know urself. i love myself when i was younger. i wasn't corrupted with the idealistic world. i care only for myself and..my heart. but after a while, mingling with people and the world, i've made way to be logical. the thing when being logical is that, i've always questioned myself. the 8Ws and 1H are my best buds..i perceive things as objects in my head that can easily b programmed or controlled or managed and that i can b powerful as everything is in my head. yes, i've become what my mind would want me to b. and the frequent words are "right" or "wrong", there's no in between or in d middle". it's always been either black or white and no grey. honestly, being logical is not my forte. i love the intuitive me. it is more ME.

as much logical as i've been, i can't totally erase the intuitive me. sometimes i did have that in me&truthfully, my intuition has saved me a whole lot of deal in my life...guess that incident is a wake-up call for me to reverse to my pure heart and sharp intuition. 

so pals, sometimes when u've overheard urself talking alone, please take a moment to listen. it might b true..well, for me, it always bears the truth, sooner or later the truth will reveal itself and that's when i'll say,"i've told myself so..(aku dah kata dah...)"

having said that, as muslims, no matter what kind of decision that we'll make or action that we'll do, it's d best that at the end of d day, Allah is d ULTIMATE for guidance etc. i know that i am not that pious by writing that down but at least, it is also a reminder for myself and hopefully for everyone else too. this is the least that i can do to bridge information and sharing knowledge to my loved ones out there. and as for me, no matter what, it's back to the basic, ur nawaitu and ur nawaitu comes from the heart..

all in all, just know urself. dig it up but don't force urself. take time to do so. and love urself. i love u guys ;)

*Taken from fb notes, dated Thurs, 21 Jul 2011*

~Knob-ing Heart~


the knob is twisted
and turned
to either way
it opens the door 
of the mysterious world
or is it the la-la land
or perhaps the heart of a soul
that no one comprehends
but haste to be adored
yet it is not to be decided
till the fate writes on it
or one agrees to disagree
and the players cried,"checkmate!" 
the world will be at peace
and it will remain shut and hushed.

*Taken from fb notes, dated 21 June 2011*

~Miss Simpleton~


if the words to be vocalised
from my impaired tongued
and vacuum heart
it would be an abyss
to a never-never land
with a difference
of having neither Peter Pan
nor Tinkerbell.
the neurons would not adore me
the souls could have missed me
i may be Miss Hyde
trapped in the own roles
split between the time 
of confusion
but alas,
i need to fly
like the phoenix
feel the breeze
to my drums
the whispers to my mortal self
and light the world
with fire and ice.

*Taken from fb notes, dated Tue, 26 Apr 2011*

~1/2 to 1~


what do u call a half moon?
what do u reckon a half pair of specs?
how will u wear with only half side of ur pants?
how will u drive a car with only d driver's part
and half of it is cut out?

what would u call those things?
is there any name to it?
can people just turn their blind eye 
and aye to all
if they do exist?

a moon is not one if half is hidden
specs get the name for it comes in pairs
pants are invented as people are created with 2 legs
even a normal car is there with at least a passenger beside.

it's easier said than done
when we can no longer b one
what's done can't  b undone
then the answer is..
gone

but the half gone
should let it be bygone
for i am still
one
as i'm visible to all
loud and clear
to aye to
only one.

*Taken from fb notes, dated Sun 3 April 2011*